How Extremes Limit Our Growth, Relationships, and Connection with God
Let’s talk about black-and-white thinking – the idea that things are either all good or all bad, right or wrong, success or failure. It sounds simple, but this mindset is quietly wreaking havoc on how we relate to ourselves, each other, and the world around us.
Think about it. How often do you catch yourself saying, “I always mess this up,” or “They never listen to me”?
How often do you see arguments online where one side has to be completely right and the other side completely wrong?
This way of thinking feels so absolute, so certain, but it leaves no room for nuance, no space for understanding the in-between.
Life doesn’t work like that. People don’t work like that.
I’ve noticed that when I’ve fallen into black-and-white thinking (and trust me, I have – a year of CPT Therapy revealed so much), it doesn’t lead to clarity or peace. It leads to frustration, isolation, and missed opportunities to grow.
Article Contents
What is Black and White Thinking?
Embracing Complexity: The Freedom in Letting Go of Extremes
How Black-and-White Thinking Keeps Us Stuck
What is CPT Therapy?
Navigating Life Between Extremes
What is Black and White Thinking?
Black-and-white thinking, also known as all-or-nothing thinking, is a cognitive distortion where we see things as completely one way or another, with no middle ground. It involves viewing situations, people, or experiences in extreme terms—either entirely good or completely bad, right or wrong, success or failure, with no room for complexity, nuance, or exceptions.
This type of thinking can create unnecessary stress, confusion, and disappointment because it doesn’t account for the realities of life’s uncertainties or the gradual process of change. It limits our ability to find solutions, understand others, or grow because we’re caught in rigid, oversimplified views.
It’s the voice that says, “If I can’t do this perfectly, then why bother?” or “If they don’t agree with me, they’re against me.” And while those thoughts feel true in the moment, they block deeper connection, creativity, and perspective.
The thing is, the gray areas – the middle ground – are where real life happens. That’s where relationships strengthen, understanding deepens, and solutions emerge. But to get there, we have to challenge this “all or nothing” mindset.
Embracing Complexity: The Freedom in Letting Go of Extremes
Ask yourself:
Where am I seeing things as either/or when there’s probably more to the story?
How can I hold space for multiple truths to exist at once?
Am I willing to be curious instead of certain?
I know this isn’t always easy. The world around us thrives on division. Headlines, social media, even our internal dialogues often push extremes because it’s easier to pick a side than to sit with complexity. But here’s the truth – complexity isn’t the problem. Avoiding it is.
When we step out of black-and-white thinking, we start to see people for who they really are – flawed, growing, and worthy of love, just like us. We make room for solutions that consider everyone involved. And most importantly, we free ourselves from the pressure to always have the “right” answer.
What would happen if you let go of the need to see things in extremes?
What might shift in your relationships, your work, or how you view yourself?
Sit with this for a bit. Reflect. Challenge the thoughts that want to pull you back into certainty. There’s freedom and healing in the gray.
How Black-and-White Thinking Keeps Us Stuck
It makes conversations impossible because we’re more committed to being “right” than actually understanding each other.
It keeps us stuck in cycles of perfectionism, procrastination, and self-doubt because if something isn’t perfect, we think it’s worthless.
It disconnects us from ourselves, each other, and even God – because we subconsciously believe love, success, and worthiness are conditional.
This isn’t just a personal struggle. It’s shaping our relationships, our businesses, our communities. It’s making us reactive instead of reflective. It’s keeping us from actually solving problems because we can’t see past the extremes.
The truth is, growth, success, and real transformation all happen in the in-between.
The conversations that shift perspectives? They happen in the nuance.
The progress that lasts? It happens in the messy middle.
The faith that sustains us? It happens in the surrender, not in the certainty.
So where is black-and-white thinking showing up in your life?
Where is it making you feel stuck, disconnected, or not enough?
Let’s talk about it. Because awareness is the first step to breaking free.
What is CPT Therapy?
CPT therapy stands for Cognitive Processing Therapy. It’s a structured, evidence-based form of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) designed to help people process and reframe unhelpful thoughts related to traumatic experiences. It’s commonly used to treat PTSD and other trauma-related conditions.
CPT helps individuals identify stuck points—rigid, black-and-white beliefs that keep them trapped in distress—and replace them with more balanced, flexible perspectives. My therapy process included both talk therapy and an app that I worked through during the week. I had specific goals, themes, and events I focused on, allowing me to process and integrate my experiences in a structured way.
Navigating Life Between Extremes
As we step away from black-and-white thinking, we begin to align more with how God sees the world – complex, imperfect, yet full of grace. Scripture reminds us in 1 Corinthians 13:12, “For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.” The truth is, we don’t have all the answers right now, and that’s okay.
In Romans 15:7, we’re called to “accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you.” This means allowing space for different perspectives, embracing the messiness of life, and offering grace to ourselves and others as we grow.
Let go of the need for certainty. Proverbs 3:5-6 teaches us to “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” It’s not about having it all figured out – it’s about trusting God to guide us through the complexity.
When we embrace the gray, we find greater freedom, clarity, and peace. Keep seeking truth, but remember that God is with us every part of our path, showing us more with each step.
Big hugs,
Jasmine