The Hidden Cost of Black-and-White Thinking in Our Life and Business
Let’s talk about something that’s quietly running in the background of our minds, shaping how we move through life and business: black-and-white thinking, also known as all-or-nothing thinking.
This mindset shows up when we believe things must be either all good or all bad, a total success or a complete failure, right or wrong, worthy or unworthy. It gives us the illusion of certainty, but in reality, it’s limiting our ability to grow, make aligned decisions, and fully connect with ourselves, others, and even God.
Article Contents
What Is All-or-Nothing Thinking Really About?
How this Thinking Shows Up in Our Life and Business?
The Cost of All-or-Nothing Thinking
How to Break Free from the Extremes
What’s Possible Beyond All-or-Nothing Thinking?
What Is All-or-Nothing Thinking Really About?
At its core, all-or-nothing thinking is a survival mechanism. Our brains love simplicity, and this way of thinking makes things feel clear-cut and predictable. But there’s a cost:
It creates fear of failure. If something has to be perfect to be “good enough,” we hesitate to take risks or try new things.
It amplifies self-judgment. We see ourselves as either winning or failing, with no space for growth or learning.
It limits our faith. We start to believe God’s presence depends on how well we perform, rather than His unconditional love.
This rigid way of thinking doesn’t leave room for process, exploration, or even divine timing. It keeps us stuck in patterns of perfectionism, procrastination, and self-doubt.
How this Thinking Shows Up in Our Life and Business?
All-or-nothing thinking is sneaky. It disguises itself as logic, discipline, or even ambition. But when we look closer, it’s actually creating unnecessary pressure and keeping us stuck.
Here’s how it may be showing up for you:
Overgeneralizing experiences. (“I always fail at launches.” “Nobody is interested in what I offer.”)
Setting impossible standards. (“If I can’t do it perfectly, I won’t do it at all.”)
Viewing challenges as personal failures. (“If this isn’t working, it must mean I’m not cut out for this.”)
Swinging between extremes. (“I’m completely motivated and doing everything… or I’m exhausted and doing nothing.”)
This doesn’t just block us from taking action – it disconnects us from our intuition, creativity, and ability to trust ourselves and the process.
The Cost of All-or-Nothing Thinking
The biggest problem with this mindset is that it makes everything feel urgent and high-stakes. When we live in extremes, we:
Struggle to accept ourselves as we are. We believe we’re either “good” or “bad” based on external validation or productivity.
Disconnect from God’s grace. We subconsciously think God only shows up when we’re “doing everything right.”
Lose our ability to trust our path & God. If results aren’t instant, we assume we’ve failed, rather than seeing things as unfolding in divine timing.
This is where all-or-nothing thinking becomes a spiritual issue. It convinces us we have to earn what’s already freely given – our worth, our connection, our ability to co-create with God.
How to Break Free from the Extremes
The good news? You can shift this. And it starts with awareness.
Notice where it’s happening. Ask yourself:
Where am I thinking in extremes?
Where am I afraid to fail or make mistakes?
Where do I believe God’s love or success is conditional?
Challenge the absolutes. When you catch yourself thinking in “always” or “never,” ask:
Is this actually true?
Where did this belief come from?
Is it a credible source?
What’s the bigger picture I might be missing?
Embrace the process. Growth, success, and healing happen in layers, cycles, and steps. Your worth is not tied to instant results.
Lean into grace. God doesn’t operate in all-or-nothing terms. His love is infinite, His timing is divine, and His plans are unfolding even when we can’t see the full picture yet.
What’s Possible Beyond All-or-Nothing Thinking?
When you let go of the extremes, we make space for:
Creative problem-solving. We stop obsessing over being “right” and start exploring what’s actually useful.
Deeper connection. With ourselves, others, and God – because we’re no longer operating from fear or judgment.
Sustainable success. Instead of burning out chasing perfection, we build momentum by showing up consistently.
So take a moment to reflect.
Where is all-or-nothing thinking holding you back right now?
And what would shift if you gave yourself permission to live in the in-between?
This is your invitation to step into a more expansive, peaceful, and aligned way of living – one that honors your humanity and the divine guidance that’s always available to you.
In the next post we’re going to break this down even more and look at some common areas this can show up in our personal and professional lives.
How Extremes Limit Our Growth, Relationships, and Connection with God
Let’s talk about black-and-white thinking – the idea that things are either all good or all bad, right or wrong, success or failure. It sounds simple, but this mindset is quietly wreaking havoc on how we relate to ourselves, each other, and the world around us.
Think about it. How often do you catch yourself saying, “I always mess this up,” or “They never listen to me”?
How often do you see arguments online where one side has to be completely right and the other side completely wrong?
This way of thinking feels so absolute, so certain, but it leaves no room for nuance, no space for understanding the in-between.
Life doesn’t work like that. People don’t work like that.
I’ve noticed that when I’ve fallen into black-and-white thinking (and trust me, I have – a year of CPT Therapy revealed so much), it doesn’t lead to clarity or peace. It leads to frustration, isolation, and missed opportunities to grow.
Article Contents
What is Black and White Thinking?
Embracing Complexity: The Freedom in Letting Go of Extremes
How Black-and-White Thinking Keeps Us Stuck
What is CPT Therapy?
Navigating Life Between Extremes
What is Black and White Thinking?
Black-and-white thinking, also known as all-or-nothing thinking, is a cognitive distortion where we see things as completely one way or another, with no middle ground. It involves viewing situations, people, or experiences in extreme terms—either entirely good or completely bad, right or wrong, success or failure, with no room for complexity, nuance, or exceptions.
This type of thinking can create unnecessary stress, confusion, and disappointment because it doesn’t account for the realities of life’s uncertainties or the gradual process of change. It limits our ability to find solutions, understand others, or grow because we’re caught in rigid, oversimplified views.
It’s the voice that says, “If I can’t do this perfectly, then why bother?” or “If they don’t agree with me, they’re against me.” And while those thoughts feel true in the moment, they block deeper connection, creativity, and perspective.
The thing is, the gray areas – the middle ground – are where real life happens. That’s where relationships strengthen, understanding deepens, and solutions emerge. But to get there, we have to challenge this “all or nothing” mindset.
Embracing Complexity: The Freedom in Letting Go of Extremes
Ask yourself:
Where am I seeing things as either/or when there’s probably more to the story?
How can I hold space for multiple truths to exist at once?
Am I willing to be curious instead of certain?
I know this isn’t always easy. The world around us thrives on division. Headlines, social media, even our internal dialogues often push extremes because it’s easier to pick a side than to sit with complexity. But here’s the truth – complexity isn’t the problem. Avoiding it is.
When we step out of black-and-white thinking, we start to see people for who they really are – flawed, growing, and worthy of love, just like us. We make room for solutions that consider everyone involved. And most importantly, we free ourselves from the pressure to always have the “right” answer.
What would happen if you let go of the need to see things in extremes?
What might shift in your relationships, your work, or how you view yourself?
Sit with this for a bit. Reflect. Challenge the thoughts that want to pull you back into certainty. There’s freedom and healing in the gray.
How Black-and-White Thinking Keeps Us Stuck
It makes conversations impossible because we’re more committed to being “right” than actually understanding each other.
It keeps us stuck in cycles of perfectionism, procrastination, and self-doubt because if something isn’t perfect, we think it’s worthless.
It disconnects us from ourselves, each other, and even God – because we subconsciously believe love, success, and worthiness are conditional.
This isn’t just a personal struggle. It’s shaping our relationships, our businesses, our communities. It’s making us reactive instead of reflective. It’s keeping us from actually solving problems because we can’t see past the extremes.
The truth is, growth, success, and real transformation all happen in the in-between.
The conversations that shift perspectives? They happen in the nuance. The progress that lasts? It happens in the messy middle. The faith that sustains us? It happens in the surrender, not in the certainty.
So where is black-and-white thinking showing up in your life? Where is it making you feel stuck, disconnected, or not enough?
Let’s talk about it. Because awareness is the first step to breaking free.
What is CPT Therapy?
CPT therapy stands for Cognitive Processing Therapy. It’s a structured, evidence-based form of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) designed to help people process and reframe unhelpful thoughts related to traumatic experiences. It’s commonly used to treat PTSD and other trauma-related conditions.
CPT helps individuals identify stuck points—rigid, black-and-white beliefs that keep them trapped in distress—and replace them with more balanced, flexible perspectives. My therapy process included both talk therapy and an app that I worked through during the week. I had specific goals, themes, and events I focused on, allowing me to process and integrate my experiences in a structured way.
Navigating Life Between Extremes
As we step away from black-and-white thinking, we begin to align more with how God sees the world – complex, imperfect, yet full of grace. Scripture reminds us in 1 Corinthians 13:12, “For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.” The truth is, we don’t have all the answers right now, and that’s okay.
In Romans 15:7, we’re called to “accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you.” This means allowing space for different perspectives, embracing the messiness of life, and offering grace to ourselves and others as we grow.
Let go of the need for certainty. Proverbs 3:5-6 teaches us to “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” It’s not about having it all figured out – it’s about trusting God to guide us through the complexity.
When we embrace the gray, we find greater freedom, clarity, and peace. Keep seeking truth, but remember that God is with us every part of our path, showing us more with each step.
Recently, I’ve noticed a troubling pattern: men using the Bible to shame, discredit, or control women. This behavior has surfaced multiple times over the past few weeks, and I feel it’s time to address it.
This isn’t about connection or understanding – it’s manipulation disguised as faith.
1. The Baited Questions
Questions like “Are you married?” or “Do you have kids?” can seem innocent but are often loaded. For some men, these questions aren’t about getting to know you. Instead, they’re bait to diminish your value or justify their dominance.
2. The Hypocrisy
Here’s what’s wild: every single man who has approached me like this has openly been living out of alignment with the very scriptures they try to weaponize.
Meanwhile, I’ve been celibate for 4 years – a personal commitment to God and my belief in waiting for marriage. My journey is rooted in faith, obedience, and walking the path God has called me to.
3. Walking the Walk
I pray daily, strive to live in alignment with God’s teachings, and treat others with kindness and compassion. That’s the foundation of my life and work.
But the men who’ve tried to shame or dominate me? Their actions speak louder than their words. Manipulative tactics, control, and disrespect have no place in a God-centered life.
4. What the Bible Actually Says
The Bible calls men to love their wives as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25) – with kindness, care, and selflessness.
A true man of God uplifts, encourages, and supports you. He doesn’t manipulate, shame, or control.
Ladies, trust me: if a man behaves this way now, it won’t improve with time – whether during dating or after marriage.
5. Discernment is Key
Anyone who uses God’s word to harm or diminish you is not acting in alignment with His teachings.
If a man approaches you with manipulation or shaming language, take it as a red flag. His actions and intentions reveal more about his character than his words ever could.
6. You Are Loved and Cherished
For the past 10 years, I’ve helped others heal their hearts, overcome past wounds, and expand their ability to experience God’s love.
I know the difference between walking the path of God and using scripture as a weapon.
Stay strong in your faith and grounded in your worth.
Don’t let anyone manipulate you or make you feel less than. You are loved, cherished, and created with purpose.
You have the wisdom and discernment to navigate relationships that align with God’s love and truth. Don’t settle for less.
The Cost of a Big Heart: Recognizing Your Worth and Setting Boundaries
Let’s talk about something that’s been on my heart lately: why people with big hearts often feel overlooked, undervalued, or even taken for granted.
If you’re someone who gives generously, loves deeply, and shows up wholeheartedly for others, you might’ve wondered why your efforts sometimes go unnoticed or unappreciated. It’s frustrating, even heartbreaking at times. But let’s break this down.
Article Contents
Why People Don’t Always Value Big Hearts
How to Notice When You’re Not Being Valued
How to Protect Your Energy and Advocate for Your Worth
Final Thoughts
Why People Don’t Always Value Big Hearts
1. They’re used to it.
When you’re consistently kind, generous, and dependable, people start to see it as the norm. They stop recognizing it as the gift it is.
2. They don’t know how to receive.
Some people don’t have the capacity to accept love or kindness because they’ve never learned how. Our big heart can feel overwhelming or even suspicious to someone who’s guarded or hurting.
3. They take it personally.
Sometimes our kindness reflects the areas where others feel inadequate. Instead of appreciating our heart, they might distance themselves to avoid facing their own shortcomings.
4. You might be giving without boundaries.
A big heart without boundaries can sometimes send the message that our love, time, or energy is unlimited – or worse, easy to come by.
How to Notice When You’re Not Being Valued
You feel drained or resentful. If giving leaves you feeling exhausted instead of fulfilled, that’s a sign something’s off.
Your efforts are dismissed or expected. People don’t say thank you, or they act like you owe them.
You’re the go-to for help, but never for celebration. You’re there for everyone else’s milestones, but when it’s your turn, it’s crickets.
You feel like you have to shrink to make others comfortable. If your kindness or compassion is met with judgment or discomfort, it’s not being valued.
How to Protect Your Energy and Advocate for Your Worth
1. Set boundaries.
Being kind doesn’t mean being a doormat. Decide what you’re willing to give, and don’t be afraid to say no when it doesn’t feel right.
2. Value yourself first.
We teach others how to treat us by how we treat ourselves. Prioritize your well-being, and let your generosity flow from a full cup.
3. Speak up.
Sometimes people don’t realize they’re taking us for granted. A gentle, honest conversation can shift the dynamic.
4. Find your people.
Surround yourself with those who see and appreciate your heart. Not everyone will, and that’s okay. But the right people will value and reciprocate your energy.
5. Check your intentions.
Are you giving because you truly want to, or because you’re hoping to feel needed, loved, or validated? Reflect on where your need to give is coming from. Take a moment to ask yourself if this is truly serving you or others. If not, consider what else you could pour your time, energy, and effort into that brings you joy, fulfillment, and alignment with your purpose.
Final Thoughts
I’ve personally just stopped showing up. I’ve realized so much about myself and the people around me. In order to protect my heart and not let it turn cold I’ve made a conscious decision to kinda self isolate for awhile. I’m pouring every second into myself, my goals, and my connection with God.
One thing I know all too well is that humans can be finicky, self-serving, and turn on you at the drop of a hat. But God is always there. I’m done with over giving and giving of myself freely in general. I’ve done this my whole life and it’s only ended with me being hurt, betrayed, and left picking up the pieces.
I’m trusting God to bring the people who are meant to be around me. The people who will actually really be for me and want to grow together. Until then I will happily stay in my shell hidden away from the world.
Remember having a big heart is a beautiful thing. But it’s also a responsibility. Protect it. Nurture it. And make sure the people around you see it for the treasure it is.
What’s one way you’ve learned to honor your big heart? Let’s talk about it in the comments.
🤗 Jasmine
This content is for informational purposes only and does not replace professional advice.
Recognizing the Unseen Battle and Standing Firm in God’s Power
Let’s break this down. Spiritual warfare isn’t just some abstract thing we read about in the Bible. It’s real, and it’s happening all around us – every day, in ways we might not even realize. The Bible tells us this plainly: “We do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places”(Ephesians 6:12).
But it’s not always about the big, obvious stuff. It’s the subtle things – our thoughts, emotions, relationships, and the culture we’re living in. This is about staying connected to God and grounded in His truth because that’s what the enemy is trying to pull us away from.
Let’s dive into what spiritual warfare really is, how it shows up, and how you can stay protected. Because there’s a lot going on, and we need to stay ready.
Article Contents
What Is Spiritual Warfare?
How Does Spiritual Warfare Show Up?
Where Does Spiritual Warfare Come From?
How to Protect Ourselves
The Reality of Modern Spirituality
Stand in the Victory of the Gift Jesus Gave Us
What Is Spiritual Warfare?
Spiritual warfare boils down to one thing: the enemy’s attempt to separate us from God – our connection, our purpose, and our peace. Satan has one mission: to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). He’s slick, using lies, fear, and temptation to distract and discourage us.
Here’s the good news: the enemy doesn’t have the final word. Jesus already defeated him. Our job? Stay close to God and use the tools He’s given us to stand firm.
How Does Spiritual Warfare Show Up?
There are three main battlegrounds:
1. The Enemy (Satan and Demonic Forces)
The enemy operates through lies, fear, and confusion. He’ll use anything to stir up chaos, division, or doubt. Practices like tarot, crystals, or energy manipulation might seem harmless, but they’re dangerous because they open doors for the enemy to work.
2. The Flesh (Our Own Weaknesses)
Sometimes, the fight is internal. Our fears, insecurities, and sinful desires can create strongholds. Paul explains this struggle in Romans 7:23 – our flesh is constantly at odds with our spirit. If we’re not intentional, our own tendencies can pull us away from God.
3. The World (Cultural Pressures)
The world is constantly throwing distractions at us – pride, materialism, and a self-centered mindset. It challenges God’s truth, making it look outdated or irrelevant. But 1 John 2:15-17 reminds us not to get caught up in the world’s ways.
Where Does Spiritual Warfare Come From?
Here’s some common things that fuel this battle:
Unrepented Sin: Holding on to sin gives the enemy a foothold. James 4:7 says it plainly – submit to God, resist the devil, and he will flee.
Generational Patterns: Some battles run deeper, showing up as unhealthy cycles or spiritual oppression passed down in families.
Outside Attacks: When life feels like everything is coming at us – our health, finances, relationships – it could be external spiritual attacks.
Spiritual Apathy: When we’re not staying spiritually sharp, we’re more vulnerable. Prayer, time in the Word, and discernment keep us covered.
How to Protect Ourselves
Let’s get to the practical stuff. How do we guard ourselves?
Suit Up with the Armor of God(Ephesians 6:10-18):
Belt of Truth: Stay grounded in Scripture so we can spot lies.
Breastplate of Righteousness: Live in alignment with God’s ways.
Shield of Faith: Block out fear, doubt, and negativity.
Sword of the Spirit: Speak and pray God’s Word over our lives.
Pray Without Ceasing Prayer isn’t just something to check off our list. It’s our direct line to God. We’re meant to use it to cover ourselves, our loved ones, and our community.
Guard Our Mind and Heart Watch what we’re consuming – the media, conversations, habits. Philippians 4:8 says to focus on what’s true, noble, and pure.
Discern What’s of God Not everything spiritual is from God. Test it against Scripture and ask the Holy Spirit for guidance.
Lean into Community Don’t do this alone. Surround yourself with people who will pray with you, encourage you, and keep you accountable.
The Reality of Modern Spirituality
Here’s the tricky part. There’s a growing draw toward spiritual practices that promise peace and power – New Age beliefs, crystals, witchcraft. They might seem harmless, but they’re not. The Bible is clear: we’re not to engage in divination or spiritual counterfeits (Deuteronomy 18:10-12).
This isn’t about judging anyone. It’s about recognizing that these practices open doors to spiritual oppression. Our job is to stay rooted in God’s truth and extend love to those who are searching for something deeper.
Stand in the Victory of the Gift Jesus Gave Us
We don’t have to be afraid of spiritual warfare. Jesus has already won. When you’re feeling under attack, remember that you’re not fighting alone. God has given us everything we need to stand strong.
Pray. Declare His Word. Lean into the Holy Spirit. This battle is real, but so is God’s power and love. You’ve got this!
Big Virtual Hugs,
Jasmine
This content is for informational purposes only and does not replace professional advice.
